Life story #2

Trust Rebuilt

I walked into the café and a couple sitting in the corner caught my eye. Due to the dim light, I couldn’t see their faces until the woman turned around. To my surprise, the woman was my wife. I was taken aback to see her hands entwined in the hands of the man with her. I looked at her with a broken heart, puzzled eyes, and rage on my face – all the expressions at the same time. She was also stunned as she was not expecting me to visit the place since it was far from our home as well as my office.

I walked away from the cafe before she could speak anything. My mind was flooded with numerous questions. There was a storm in my head that was moving the steering wheel in my hand and I reached home in no time, at least I felt so. I was very furious and felt deceived. I could feel my legs weak and hands shivering. I seated myself on the couch crushed and mortified.

A huge painting on the wall caught my eye that had me and my wife, Shravani. All our past events started dancing in front of my eyes as if they were mocking at me. I recollected how I proposed Shravani on a dinner date and when she accepted my proposal, I was on cloud nine. That day, I was the happiest person on the Earth as the most beautiful girl had become mine forever.

We both were deeply in love with each other. I liked everything about her – her beautiful face with mesmerizing two stars on it and the enthralling dimples on her cheeks. I was a huge fan of her talks, her strong opinions, and confident personality. All these drew me to take the decision to get married to my lady.

Finally, after a long 7 years of relationship, we got married. We enjoyed every moment in our lives with excitement. She is full of enthusiasm, fervor, and gusto. She taught me how to enjoy life to the fullest. Every day was full of excitement and exhilaration. We were enjoying our lives thoroughly spending quality time together.

She is a fervent, enthusiastic, and magnetic personality. So, no wonder she has a great bunch of friends from her school, college and all her workplaces. I am aware that she is a kind of woman everyone wants to connect with. She would bring sunshine to anyone’s life. However, I was always her priority and she showered all her love on me. These thoughts brought smile to my face, which fainted with the recall of the recent incident. I felt myself as a nowhere man sitting in a nowhere land and I could feel a big lump in my throat. 

Suddenly, my mind started arguing with me by creating questions and answering the same, “Am I overthinking? She might be having just a cup of coffee with her friend in the café. But then why they were holding each other’s hands? She might be consoling or sympathizing him for something. Am I doubting my beloved wife? Am I wrong? But I saw the expressions on both of their faces, and I found it different. No, it was not just friendship.” Many questions stormed in my brain and I could feel a severe headache.

The doorbell broke the series of my emotions and thoughts. I realized that though I can hear the doorbell and want to get up to open the door, I am not able to move. The doorbell was ringing continuously, but I was boxed in. It took me a while to return to my consciousness and gain control over my limbs. I got up with heavy legs and tried to head towards the door as fast as my legs could carry me.

I opened the door and she was standing right in front of me. She entered the living room holding my hand and making me sit on the couch. There was an awkward silence between us. She was watching me, and I think she sensed my feelings. She held my hand and without my knowledge, I drew it and moved away from her. She asked me with a compassionate voice, “What happened, Abhi?” I looked at her with the how-can-you-ask-this expression. She said, “Unless you express yourself, I can’t explain anything to you.”

Looking at her, I asked her, “What were you doing in the café? And who was that man whose hands were….” I couldn’t speak further. She understood my feelings, at least I thought so. She sat beside me, held my hands compassionately and replied, “He is Sahil - a good friend of mine.” I looked at her with rage, “Oh really? So, you hold hands of all your friends and look into their eyes with love?” Now she was in a black mood, looked away from me and stood up. After a minute or so, she turned and asked me, “How insensitive you can be, Abhi?” I turned at her immediately asking, “Am I being insensitive? Look at you, Shravani. You’re being insensitive towards me. You’re not thinking what I must be feeling after seeing you with that man.” She exclaimed irritatingly, “Oh, come on! What was a big deal in that? I was just having a coffee with my friend. And yes, about holding hands, if I have been holding hands of any of my girlfriends, then you were fine, right? But because he was a man, you are creating this scene.”

I got up from the couch and looked right into her eyes saying, “Do you really think I’m creating a scene? If I wanted to, I would have created a scene there itself in the café. But I didn’t because I trust you somewhere and thought of discussing with you first before coming to any conclusion.” She threw her hands down and said, “You trust me, is it? Then why are you having all these doubts? Why are you behaving like a teenager?” There was a complete hush in the home.

She came to me and made me sit on the couch besides her. She started explaining, “Abhi, he’s just my good friend, nothing else. He is my office colleague and yes, we share a special bond. But, it’s not what you are thinking. I still love you the most.” I didn't respond. She looked at me and said, “I’ve been always telling you about him. So, I didn’t hide anything from you, did I?” I looked at her and replied, “Yes, you have been telling me about him every day. You’ve been chatting with him every single day. What did you have for lunch, Sahil?....Had tea?.....What about dinner?.... what are you doing now?....I shopped this and this….Who shares all this with just a good friend?”

She was taken aback and didn’t speak for a minute or two. She asked me with a surprise, “You never showed that you had so much problem with my friendship with Sahil. You were being a broad-minded husband, right?.” She took a deep breath and said, “Ok, so coming straight to the point - if we chat the whole day or share everything with each other, does it mean we are having an affair?” I couldn’t reply because I had mixed feelings – I trust her, I love her, I don’t want to ruin her freedom, I don’t want to be a possessive husband, but I am hurt somewhere, I feel deceived. Oh god, I don’t know what exactly I’m feeling. She pulled me out of my thoughts asking me, “I’m asking, do you think I’m having an affair with Sahil?” I looked away saying, “I don’t know.” There was again silence in the home, we only could feel each other’s frustrations.

I asked her, “Why didn’t you tell me that you were going to meet him over a coffee today?” She threw her hands with irritation and said, “Come on, Abhi! We decided at the eleventh hour and I called you to tell that I’m going with him for a coffee, but your phone wasn’t reachable. And Abhi, having a coffee is really such a big deal? Don’t I meet my other friends over coffee? You never had problem earlier? What happened to you suddenly? I’m not able to understand.” I looked at her and replied, “I can sense your friendship with Sahil is something different than that with your other friends. You were never involved so much with any of your friends like you are now. It’s weird.” She said, “No Abhi, it isn’t weird, it’s different and nice. Yes, I’m involved with him, but I know my limits. I like his company, I like talking to him, sharing things with him, he cheers me up when I’m in a bad mood.” I asked her immediately, “So, what is this called then? Isn’t it love? You felt the same for me, isn’t it?” She replied, “Yes, I feel the same for you and this is love as well, but there is a difference between a comrade love and romantic love. I don’t have any romantic feelings for him.” She took a pause and started again, “Actually Abhi, you are not wrong. Expression of love is stereotyped in our society. You should express love for parents in a certain way, for husband in a certain way, for children in a certain way and for male friends and female friends in different ways. That’s why you are getting confused.”

I grinned and asked her, “Have you noticed yourself Shravani? You have turned into a different person. You are always smiling and in the happy mood. You’ve suddenly forgot all your struggles, problems, frustrations at your workplace. You don’t share any of your sorrows with me now. I feel left out and as if I’m a stranger to you.” She smiled and replied, “Yes, you are right. You know, when Sahil came in my life as my best friend, I started sharing many things with him – my office incidents, frustrations, anger, etc. And after sharing all these, I used to feel good and relaxed. That was the reason why I could spend good time with you. I had no stress left and so, I could shower only my love and happiness on you. It’s my hard luck that you misunderstood me so much, Abhi.”

She smiled with blues and said, “In fact, I feel we expect a lot from our respective partners. Do you remember our fights? We used to take out our work frustrations on each other. So, there were no valid reasons as such to fight, but because we were irritated, we used to throw our irritations at each other. We want our partners to play the role of parents, friend, philosopher, guide, romantic lover and what not. But in this way, we burden our partners. In fact, you can have multiple individuals in your life to share this load can't you? You can share work frustrations with your office friends, joys and achievements with your best friend, romance with your life partner, care and love with your parents, internal fears with your siblings. But you know what? We think only our partner is the person who should take all this load. And it is our right to throw all the rubbish at him/her and s/he should absorb it happily. We consider it as his/her duty. Whereas, this is absolutely wrong. If we can’t handle our stress ourselves, we can have multiple persons in our life to share those with.” I was boxed in, but this time because I felt I’m immature.

I approached her and held her hands in mine saying, “Shravani, but I like that you share everything with me. I like even your frustrations and problems. I feel I’m close to your heart and suddenly when all these things have stopped, I feel some kind of vacuum and that’s bothering me.” She smiled amiably and said, “I know, Abhi. But, we spend most of our time in office rather than home and Sahil is my office partner. So, I should share our workplace issues with Sahil rather than you. Look, will I or you feel comfortable sharing our personal issues with our office friends? No, right? Same is in this case. If I get only few hours with you, I should share my happiness, achievements, fun, and love with you rather than all this office bullshit. Abhi, if you’ll look at this change in me in a positive way, you’ll realize how wonderful it is. And I realized this recently that I feel more love for you, and I feel like sharing romantic time with you. I don’t get irritated by your bad habits now, not even if you throw your wet towel on the bed.” She smiled and continued, “I was holding Sahil’s hand saying thank you to him. And the love that you saw in my eyes while looking at him was actually the gratitude towards him. Because he came into my life, I learnt so many things about our relationship. I realized that I was burdening you with my thoughts and feelings to such a greater extent.” She smiled and kissed me on my cheek.

I felt I’m so small in front of her and so immature. My eyes were teary, and I was feeling ashamed of my own thoughts. She understood my feelings and holding my hands, she said, “Aawww! Now don’t be a cry baby!” and she laughed. I managed to say, “I’m extremely sorry. I am such a fool.” She smiled and said, “Yes, I know you are a fool.” She winked and continued, “I totally understand your feelings, and you don’t have to say sorry. It’s not only your fault. We’re brought up in this way and we have such thoughts because of our surroundings. We learn different emotions, thinking, realization with the time. But you know what? The good thing about you is you understood my intentions. You realized that your thinking is typical, and you should change it. You are indeed progressive, and this is the thing that I love about you. Trust me darling, you’re the best husband on this Earth. Nobody can take your place in my life.”

Shravani melted in Abhi’s arms and their souls were enlightened. They both realized that their relationship has taken a beautiful turn today that led them to a delightful destination. This incident took them closer to each other and trust was rebuilt stronger.